the other night was really bad for me. i've got a lot of PTSD issues going on (US Army MP, deployed to iraq in 2008), on top of my long term gf and i splitting up, it was bad. i felt like there was no escape, that i was just a burden on everyone. i was sitting there on the edge of my bed, looking at my pistol. i had been crying for like 10 minutes. i kept looking at my pistol, and started to make a plan in my head of how i would do it. needless to say i was at the bottom of the barrel. but i recognized that shit wasn't going so well, and i called up a friend, this was at like 7 in the morning. i was crying, and told him i was having a really hard time, and i didn't need to be by myself for a while. he said no worries, and i basically went over to his house for a while till i felt better. the next couple of days were shitty as well, and i just made sure to always be with someone, so i wasn't alone. i told them the situation and everyone was cool. a couple of days later i started to feel not as shitty, and a few more and i actually felt "ok". my friends were supportive, and even volunteered to keep my guns for a while till i felt better.
the main thing i want everyone to get from this story is that suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem. it may not seem that way in the moment, but i promise you it will. reach out to someone, anyone. you don't have to go into detail or any of that shit. if they ask, just tell them you don't want to talk about it right now, your just in a bad way, and don't need to be alone at the moment. call your friends, someone you deployed with, family, they'll understand. we may all hail from different countries here, but if your a veteran in any capacity, your my brother, and i will always be here for any of you. i was in iraq with aussies, germans, brits, romaniians, isrealis. all from different countries, fighting the same fight. i personally don't agree with the reason we were at war, but seeing the look on a child's face saying thank you, meant everything to me. you may not realize it, but there is a family somewhere that is alive because of you. your not worthless. please don't take the easy way out. all your doing is transferring your pain, to all the people that are close to you. it's one of the most selfish acts you can possibly do.
i put this here so everyone can see my story, and to take a little bit of the awkwardness off when talking about it. if your up to it, everyone that can, or is willing, put their story on here, so people can see other people were in the same boat, but made the right choice. if people are afraid to talk about it, they're a lot less likely to bring it up to someone because they feel weak, or ashamed to ask for help. it's cool man, this is what friends are for, to support each other when we need it.